2000 Presents vs 2010 Presents

I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and hope everyone didn't overspend! 2011 is soon!

According to a newspaper article I was reading, the most thing children wanted for Christmas this year wasn't dolls or toy cars, but gadgets. The top 3 spots were all Apple products. Is it me, or is children's tastes getting more expensive as the years roll by?

I don't see why a parent would give a child an iPhone. Yes, I can see them giving their child a cheap phone which doesn't cost much and using it mainly for getting in contact with one another but an iPhone? What if the child breaks it? It really ain't that hard, I should know, I've done it. What happens then? You spend a fortune getting it fixed and give it back to them? Children can be really clumsy!

Giving girls dolls seems like a thing of the past now

Its not like they can pay the bills every month and I doubt you could give them a limit on what they can spend each month downloading apps etc. Hell they can hardly afford chocolate! And when are they going to really use it? At school when they're supposed to be working? Not really giving a strong message here!

Parents complain that children should act their age, tell them you only get one childhood and complain that things on TV are unsuitable for children and then give them grown up things like that? It's all a bit silly really.

When I was 10, I got Pokemon cards. Yes it sounds like I should be 100 as it sounds like such an ancient thing to get, but it was only 11 years ago. They may not have had the same features as any piece of technology but they did bring out hours of entertainment. And you could collect hundreds of them for under a fiver. Lose one? Chances were you could find another minutes later. Lose an iPhone and its a costly business.

You can bend them, dunk them in water, even drop them and they'd be fine

I think giving children costly gifts every year is an extremely bad idea. It sends out a bad message and it can make them ungrateful and give them the attitude I want I get. Maybe I'm just old fashioned but if I had kids, I wouldn't give them an iPhone when they're children!

The One Where I Got Locked Out

My flatmates have gone back to the wonderful island of Shetland, leaving me to defend for myself. I have to admit, everything was going smoothly and I was actually enjoying living on my own until today. I locked myself out. The thing was, I knew something like this would happen to and have been reminding myself to double check I had keys. Today, I forgot

Everything was fine until I realised I needed milk. So as I was dashing through the snow (See what I did there :P) I realised I had left my wallet. It was only until I was outside my door when I realised my keys were inside, along with my wallet and mobile. My only possible way to get back into the flat were is Shetland so I was stuck with this little problem.

I knew I couldn't just stand there so I decided now was the best time to meet my neighbours. I tried every door but no-one answered. On the last door, I heard someone inside and not wanting to feel defeated, I knocked very loudly. Luckily, the guy was nothing I imagined (a balding grumpy fat guy) and very generously gave me coffee and let me use his phone to call the landlord.

Of course, this all happened out of hours, so the office was closed. On their little answering machine thing, they left numbers, luckily one of them was for a locksmith. I hadn't considered my luck getting any worse until the guy told me the price, £80 plus VAT to let me back in. And they needed payment on that day in cash.

I didn't have £80 to spare! Luckily the man was nice about it and said they would charge me at a later date and would call me back on that number when he was on his way. So there I was, in a typical boy's flat, trying to find somewhere clean to sit. I was like a UK version of Bree Van De Kamp. Although saying that, they were really nice and asked me if my place was dirty. I replied politely saying sometimes, although what I meant was yer right!

After a few more minutes of conversation, one of the guys had an idea, we could try and break into my flat. They all rushed to find something they could use. Coming out with bits of thin plastic, they made way to my day. I had to admit, I thought they would fail. But they didn't give up, and it worked!

So what have I learned from this experience?
1) Always make sure I have my keys with me BEFORE I leave the house
2) Always dress to impress, don't wear your pyjamas under your clothes, even if I am just nipping to the shops, and
3) Make sure I lock all the locks when I leave the flat/ go to bed, since it's so easy to break in!

And the moral of this story is
Love Thy Neighbour, for you may need them to break into your home!

Santa is....GAY

I saw this and thought I'd reshare. The author makes some interesting points and it does make you think, is our beloved fat man a gay man?

"I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe Santa's gay. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a straight man could possibly pull it all off! For starters, think about the planning that goes into an event like Christmas. Even Martha Stewart is envious.

Straight men have day jobs, so they wouldn't have time to stand at the local shopping malls and ring a bell all day. But if you're a gay, out-of-work Actor/Dancer/Waiter it's the perfect gig until you get your big break. Also, if he were straight he would have picked a more masculine animal than the reindeer to get him around, like horses or oxen, but the reindeer just happens to appeal to Santa's inherent sense of grace and beauty. And those names: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen? Fill in the blanks."

"Mrs. Claus has been married to him for eons and he's never fathered a child with her, she's over-weight and still content... Can you say "Fag-hag"? 

Ever thought about the Rudolph story? He's gay too! "All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games." (as if he wanted to). Isn't Rudolph really a metaphor for the gay child in a straight society anyway? 

Ever ask yourself why fruitcake is the traditional dessert at Christmas time? Well, now you know. And stop pretending you don't like it. Deep down inside, you've always liked fruitcake. 

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a straight man: 

* Look at the size of the bag he packs for a one night trip!

* Red velvet, fur collar, black engineer boots... think people!

* Physically he's a wet dream for the Girth and Mirth club and the perfect poster model for GMSMA.

* Gay men have long been using stockings to hide their candy.

* Ho Ho / Homo... a little too similar if you ask me. 

* That long over-night flight around the world taps into the flight attendant gene. And one more thing, did you ever know a straight man named Nicholas? Oh, straight society has tried to butch up his image by calling him St. Nick, but we know better. It's Nicholas, damn it! Ms. Claus if you're nasty."

Merry Christmas! 

Yup, it's still snowing...

On Monday we got the worst snow storm I've seen in a while. It started to snow at 7.30am and didn't stop until 3 in the afternoon and caused chaos to the UK. Everything stopped working, cars were getting stuck, buses weren't going, businesses and schools closed and planes were grounded. I got the lucky task of walking home in the snow. After many slips, falls and cutting myself on the fence, I eventually got home, nearly 3 hours later...

During my walk I noticed how everything seemed more peaceful, even though all the drivers were probably stressed out about driving in the snow. The only good thing about the snow is it makes everything more peaceful.

However, for most of my walk home I was in a fury of rage. How dare it make civilisation come to a halt. I would've gladly have welcomed the snow when I was younger for days off school (however saying that, my school never closed) but now I was part of the working society and the snow slowed everything down.

The storm which brought civilisation in the UK to it's knees

That's when I realised its not the weather we should blame, its mankind. We know from previous experience and generations that snow causes everything to not work so, why haven't we invented vehicles/aircraft that can still work during snow? I mean, we have invented self-flushing toilets that speak and self cleaning ovens so why haven't we invented a snow proof vehicle? It would make a lot of sense, it would mean there would be no disruptions in your normal day life and instead of panicking about driving in the snow and wondering if the roads were bad you wouldn't notice it.

Maybe those smart guys haven't invented it so when it does snow, they can call into work to say they got snowed in. If that's the cause, you guys suck ¬¬

40 Questions

Since its coming to the end of the year, I thought I would answer these 40 questions thing. I stole it off of Sarah :)

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
Make coffee using a coffee machine!

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No I didn't keep mine (who does?) and I'll probably make a few more and not keep them next year

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No-one close to me but a few people I know did

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Nope

5. What countries did you visit?
None outside the UK

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
Haha money!

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory?

March 15th - Sian's birthday party in Aberdeen,
July 3rd - my 21st,
August 16th - my last shift at Flints,
 August 21st - the day I moved to Edinburgh,
October 15th - the day Sian put me in A&E,
November 1st - the day I started my new job.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I suppose moving away and getting a job

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not being able to go home for Xmas

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nope

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My mp3 player! Can't imagine life without it!

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
I dunno

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
Won't say

14. Where did most of your money go?
Food and bills - sad times! And nights out! :D

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My 21st and moving to Edinburgh

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2010?
Umm Alejandro, Telephone, Rude Boy, Candy haha

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

happier or sadder? Happier
thinner or fatter? Thinner
richer or poorer? Poorer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Gone out more with my friends!

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Wasted money

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Alone in Edinburgh, working

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
Sian and my family

22. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Nope

23. How many one night stands in this last year?
Haha! Ummm...

24. What was your favourite TV program?
Glee

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Don't think so

26. What was the best book(s) you read?
Of Mice and Men

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Its between Lady Gaga and Rihanna

28. What did you want and get?
To move to Edinburgh

29. What did you want and not get?
Money

30. What were your favourite films of this year?
Boy in the striped pyjamas

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 21 and I had a party in which everyone got dressed up as anything they wanted. The top bar was all decorated with banners and old pictures of me and we ate cake! It was a nice surprise but I can't remember much after that :)

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Moving to Edinburgh and sharing a flat with two wonderful people!

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Out dated haha.

34. What kept you sane?
My friends and family

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I can't think of one!

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
I don't really get into politics

37. Who did you miss?
Some friends still up in Shetland

38. Who was the best new person you met?
A few people from my old work and my new work!

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
Always come prepared

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
"I left my head and my heart on the dancefloor"

The German Market

A couple of weeks ago, I joined my friends for the annual opening of the German Market and the Christmas lights getting switched on in Edinburgh. Luckily for us, the market opened a few days before the snow started so at least we weren't slipping on the snow. It was a spectacular show, five men dangling on wire for... well I don't really know why they were on the wire, maybe they were decorating the tree or something, but we all watched in awe as the spotlights followed them up high.

We all decided it would be fun to get Mulled Wine, but it turned out only Sarah and I got any. As we waited in the que for ages, the fireworks went off. After a few minutes watching the pretty colours in the sky, we got bored and concentrated solely on getting the wine. After paying the £2 deposit for a cup (which was quite ugly) and another £3.50, we finally got our wine and took a victory sip. After a couple more sips, we had both given them to other people.

The market was absolutely packed. Trying to get from one end to the other was a challenge. It took us a long time. As we were making some progress through the crowd, I realised we were all walking like penguins, slowly marching along and all huddling together trying to get warm. In this case however, we were all trying to get to our destinations and would push and shove people out of the way to get there.

A few days later, Sian and I decided to have another look at the market. This time, we got to see everything and had enough room to "swing a cat around". It was also covered in snow so it felt a tad bit more Christmasey.

 We decided it would be fun to go on the Ferris Wheel. It was fun until Sian decided to turn the cage around (there was a wheel in the middle of the cage which you could spin to see at all angles). It made a creeking sound and started to vibrate. For something that had only been up for a few days startled us. That was when we noticed the rust on it. We had to go around another 3 times before it stopped to let us off.

Notice how I'm holding on for dear life!

There was also a Wii tent too. We got to play some Wii games for free. Unfortunately it confirmed what I already knew, that I suck at Nintendo games. Only Nintendo games (apart from Monkey Ball!). There was also an ice rink but I wasn't going to pay £8 to fall on my ass when I could do it for free.

Overall, the market is a lot of fun! I wish there was something similar like that in Shetland, but saying that it would've been just another market and not as fun as it has been!

Let It Snow...

The snow has come! And a month earlier than last year too. I have a hate/love relationship with snowy weather, as I'm sure most people my age and older do. I say hate/love because the hates outweigh the loves. Snow, its pretty to look at from the comfort of your home, but as soon as you have to go out in it, its a bitch.

When we were younger, we loved it when it snowed. If it snowed lots then it meant there was a chance the schools would be closed and we would have days off if it snowed bad enough, to play in the snow and make snowmen, have snow ball fights and go sledging.

Don't get me wrong. I do like the snow. I still love having snowball fights, making snowmen and watching it snow from the warmth of my house. But as soon as I am forced to go out in it to go to work, I hate it. No matter how warmly I dress or how many layers of clothes I put on, I'm chilled to the bone. Then the wind blows the snow in my face and I can't see where I'm going. By time I get to my destination, I'm covered in snow and irritated.

All I need in this picture is a snowman

If the snow's really bad, none of the buses can go because the roads are blocked. That's a big pain. Then there's the walking in the snow. Talk about slip and slide. I hate the ice and the slush! It makes me look so ungraceful when walking, almost like I'm drunk. Another bad thing about the snow is it makes the flat freezing constantly.

However saying all that, there's something Christmasey when it snows when its drawing near Christmas. Yesterday I was almost tempted to put up my Christmas tree up because of the snow. But then I realised it was a tad bit early for that. It has certainly put me in a Christmasey mood! I think that's mainly because I haven't heard any Christmas related songs or seen any TV adverts... yet!

Is My Place of Work Out To Get Me?

I think my work hates me. Not the people who work there, they're great, but the actual building. I think the place is out to get me and laughs at me when I hurt myself. I came to this conclusion 2 nights ago. I was cleaning the cloakroom and as I was taking a box off the top shelf, a glass panel which was on top of it (hidden) fell and smacked me right in the face. It broke and I ended up with a fat lip. And I had just started work.

As I sat there holding ice to my lip, that's when I started to realise either I was just really clumsy or, my place of work was out to get me. This past week has gotten worse. At first, all I would get was static shocks each time I opened the cutlery drawers. Every time without fail. Then I started getting static shocks off of tables, chairs, walls, to name a few. I've also given people static shocks. Maybe because I'm drinking so much coffee I'm actually starting to generate energy!

Then there's that bloody coffee machine. Every time I go to use it I end up getting burned. I try to be careful but the machine doesn't care. I have more burn marks than I can count.

Maybe I'm just really unfortunate or there's a paranormal activity style thing happening to me. (Woah as I typed that there was a really loud bang inside my flat!) I've only been there not even a month. Does the hotel play games with the newbies, or will it get worse, the injuries get more bizarre?

I hope it's the first one

La actualización general de segundo

If you didn't know what the title of this post its the second general update! It's in Spanish! I was trying out my new translator app on my blackberry and it seems to work :)

Super Monkey Ball!
This may be the greatest game in the world (and the only game I'm still really good at). And I have rediscovered it's greatness! I had previously discovered this game over 9 years ago when it first came out. It was one of the pointless games where there was no storyline or special missions. You're a monkey in a big ball and had to collect bananas (I think the developers had a sick mind haha) and if you went over the edge you died.

You got to unlock 'mini games' which were better than the main play of the game. One of them was you got to fly around and land on these floats in the middle of the ocean. Thanks to Nicky for re-introducing me to the game! It feels so good to be great at a game that Sian sucks at :P

The flying bit!

Gossip Girl
I will admit it, I am now addicted to Gossip Girl now, although its a love-hate situation. It was Sian who got me into it. I thought it would be a lot of crap, I only agreed to watch the first 5 episodes so Sian would let me watch the new Family Guy. I half heartedly watch the first 2 episodes and then I couldn't stop. I'm now at the beginning of season 4, managed to go through 3 seasons in under a week! It's kinda sad really.

The one thing I don't like about it is they are too over the top! And they keep dating and breaking up with each other! You live in New York, they are more people there to date. And Serena what is up with your hair? I'm sure you can afford a brush!

Payday!
A week today, I will receive my first pay cheque since August! It's so exciting!I have missed being able to buy  things, any things! I will no longer be under house arrest as I call it and will be able to go out with my own money and buy food! That's the one thing I can't wait for!

 Oh btw, its a bad idea to watch Gossip Girl when you're broke, they practically wipe their own asses with money and spend it like money grows on trees... just imagine that! However would that mean in the winter time everyone would be broke?

Everyone would have one in their garden

Christmas
Christmas is drawing closer and I'm getting pretty excited. One month and 2 days! (You can work out how many days) The lights are going up in the streets and shops are starting to look all pretty with their decorations and there's a Ferris Wheel on Prince's Street for some German Market which lasts the whole of December apparently.

Like I said, I'm quite excited. I think it's because I'll be away from home during Christmas and I'm somewhere new. Spending Christmas alone isn't ideal, but I'll just work and have a takeaway for my Christmas dinner - it'll be my alternative xmas :)

You got 3 pictures in this post! Aren't I nice? I haven't even had a coffee yet!

A Small Adventure in Aberdeen

Earlier this year, I decided to visit my friend Sian for her 20th birthday in Edinburgh. However, things didn't quite go as planned, the boat wouldn't leave until the next day which would have meant I would be on the boat during her party. It must have been natures way of telling me not to go. I wasn't gonna let mother nature ruin my plans! After calling her, we decided to meet each other halfway, in Aberdeen.

The day was filled with catching up, laughs and plan making of the night's events. We even managed to argue before we had even greeted each other. As our friend put it, "To see such love brings a tear to my eye". One event which wasn't funny at the time, but funny now was when Sian went to clean her contacts, however she used the wrong solution and her eyes went bright red. Luckily, they got better as time went on.

A few hours later...

We found our tipsy selves in a crowded dark bar drinking beer out of plastic cups. The place looked dirty and was certainly not classy (as you can tell from the picture below) but we certainly had a good time. The music was loud, the crowd we were with were great but trying to find a seat was a bitch. Sian came running to be demanding to use my phone. When she got back, she showed me this sign she took a photo of.

Doesn't get much classier than this!

After ditching that bar the drinks were really starting to hit us. We were dragged to a gay bar where we saw an older guy with laced up trousers at the back (which we slapped as we ran out of the bar, the things you do when you're drunk). We then ended up at a strip bar. While all the guys drooled over the dancers, Sian and I went on facebook, checked our e-mails and drank more drinks. We also commented on the women's shoes and dancing techniques. It turned out to be the best bit of the night, despite falling down some stairs. When a woman came over to me offering a lap dance, Sian laughed until I turned the tables at her and told the dancer she would really enjoy one.

The next day however, I woke up on a friend's living room floor and had the most laziest day in the world. We said our goodbyes and hoped the summer holidays when Sian would get back would be as wild as our adventure in Aberdeen. And it was.

Happy Birthday Jemma!

13 years ago today, my sister Amy and I got a surprise when we got home from school. Our Mum had given birth to another addition to the family, a baby girl. To say we were excited is an understatement! I remember the day well. We desperately wanted to meet her and it seemed like our Dad was purposely taken forever to get ready for us too see her. Our dad told us to watch our younger brother, Matthew, while he got ready. Oh course, being young we rebelled and ran to the car without him. And being the typical younger one, Matthew followed us to the car.

Unfortunately for him, it was very windy and he was very light. He was blown against the gate behind the car, holding on to his little hat for dear life, crying out for us to help him. He was only 3 at the time. Amy and I couldn't help but laugh at his hopelessness and looking back, it was cruel not to help him. We got hell from our Dad.

We finally arrived at the hospital and ran to the room our Mum was in. In the bed next to her, was our littlest sister. She looked adorable. We never would've guessed what a pain in the ass she would be in later years! Haha I'm just joking!

Jemma wasn't any ordinary child. Everything she did had a comical touch to it. She was and still is so clumsy. Falling up the stairs, walking into doors, falling off the top bunk of the bed, you name it and she's probably fallen or walked into it. I remember when she was a few months old, Dad playing airplane with her and Jemma ended up throwing up in his mouth. Bet he was loving her then!

A few years later, she had gotten to the "leave something in her reach and something bad will happen" stage. We had noticed Jemma had been very quite for quite some time. Amy soon discovered why. Jemma was in Amy's room with pens. She had drawn all over her arms and face and claimed she was 'The Undertaker'. For those who don't know who The Undertaker is, he is an American wrestler with tattoo's all over his arms...

She is also one tough cookie. Her and Matthew had such a vicious rivalry when they were younger and she never backed down and was constantly trying to stir things up. Luckily for our Mum, they've calmed down more.

Happy Birthday Jemma!

And now she's entered the teenage years. Aww I remember it well. Tantrums, mood swings, under-age drinking, thinking you're better than everyone and you're always right. Good luck with another teenager in the house Mum!

In My Inbox

This morning, as I was bored and nothing interesting was happening online, I decided to clean out my inbox. I hadn't looked at it in a while and I was greeted with 5,743 unread messages. Wow! Memo to self - delete emails daily. Instead of clicking the delete all, I decided it would be interesting to see what I was actually getting. Curiosity never did anyone any harm (apart from the cat!)

Most of the emails were mostly from shopping websites trying desperately to get me attention to go to their website and buy things. They had headings like "SALE NOW ON!" and "25% OFF". I have to admit, it was tempting but my bank was like no ¬¬.

This is what happens when your computer screen breaks!

The next bunch that were similar was about money. "Do you owe over £5,000 in debt? Try this scam!" Ok, it didn't say that but I'm not that stupid to give my bank details to an unknown site. Accident insurance? Hmm maybe I need some of that!

One that caught my eye (and made me LOL) was from 'LoveFilm' with the email heading 'Overcome cold nights with our 30 days of movie pleasure'...

My favourite one of the lot was offering me a special deal on a face lift which could take up to 10 years off my age. If I did that I'd end up with the face of an 11 year old and considering I'm constantly getting ID'd then I think I'll give that a miss.

Emails which really annoy me is obvious scams which have the titles in long sentences without spaces and spelling mistakes, like this one.

'AuhtnetiicSoftwareAavaibIableOniIneFoorCheeapPprciies,InstantIyDoIwnoadable'

Who in the right mind would open an email with a title like that? The scammer might as well put

'Hi, attached to me is a virus which will destroy your computer and everything in it ^.^'

I'm Not Normally This Violent, I Swear!

Games. Any type of games that I play, whether it be a game on a console or a game of scrabble, I turn into this competitive monster. Ask anyone and they will tell you if I keep losing at a game I go insane. I think my competitive streak comes from my family. Coming from a large family, we were constantly trying to beat each other at games just to see who was the superior sibling. And if we were losing, the gloves were off and the rules were thrown out of the window. Someone nearly always got hurt.

The best example I can think of was when I was playing a game with my sister. I was losing. So I told her to say "Hit Me Baby On More Time", which she did, so I shoved her to the ground. Then I won the game we were playing. When she told on me, I simply said she told me to do it.

As I got a bit older, in came the console era. Playing outside had become a thing of the past, now we could play games from the comfort of the house, and not have to move at all. We crowded around the TV, our eyes widen with pure delight if we killed the bad guy or defeated the other player.

Perfection

Before I knew it, I had become addicted. The better I became, the more I wanted to play. I'd stay up into the wee hours of the morning playing the same level over and over again, just so I could the perfect score. There was this one level where I had to lose a match to unlock a special feature. After hours of trying to lose, I decided to call the world's most useless player - my mother.

 Her losing wouldn't take long at all. Then all of a sudden, she unexpectedly won the match.

Mam: Oh yay I won! ^.^

Me: MAM! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LOSE! (no congrats on her first victory or anything)

Mam: Oh yer... oops...

The person who got most of the blame was my poor little brother. He always watched me play games and tried to give me pointers, which I already knew. His voice was so distracting. He always felt the wrath if I lost, but, he knew what would happen if I lost so, he brought it on himself really. The amount of controllers that have been broken by throwing them to the ground (or at him) is unbelievable.

Luckily for now, I hardly have any time to play games. And when I lose, I'm not as bad as I used to be, I'm still an awful sore loser but I'm working on it. I have to admit, my new game I like to play is annoying my brother when he plays games as his losing is just hilarious! Its hard to think I was like that. 

Money Blues

My luck with money has never been great. Well, this past year it has been terrible! Once upon a time, I used to treat myself to something once a month but of course with not having a job to give me money, the luxuries went out of the window along with the necessities. Walking past shop windows is now a constant reminder of the things I can't afford. Even getting e-mails about sales brings a tear to my eye.

The tax people who were supposed to give me my cheque for money they owed me lost it in the post. It's now gonna take 4- 6 weeks to replace. When I phoned them asking where it was, they tried to blame their error on me! The guy on the phone sounded really nervous and scared whilst talking to me - I wasn't even being mean! Although from peoples point view I was like this.

If I was a cat, this is what I would have looked like

Who uses cheques anymore? Its such a prehistoric way to give money. And sending it in the post? You might as well tied it to a bird and hope it got to the right person. Then when you eventually get the cheque you have to wait another 5 days for it to clear! WHAT'S THAT ALL ABOUT? The tax people should make a way where the money can directly be paid into your account. Obviously make it safe so it doesn't go to the wrong person.

I have a feeling once pay day comes I'm gonna go crazy and over spend just because I have money. Then wait until the next pay day a month later wishing I hadn't spent it all.

aargh!

Maybe its because Halloween was last week but recently I have been having dreams that just plain freak me out! Take the dream I've just woken up from. It was a zombie dream and the dream felt so real I was terrified! Stupid Zombies freaking me out while I sleep! In one part of my dream, I was in a hallway but there was metal cages sort of floating around. In them there were cute little monkeys that you see at the zoo... but they were zombified. Then, after running around for what seem like ages, I had been transported to my new place of work. We were in the staff room and we could see the zombies trying to break the door down.

 We opened the ceiling (it was those plastic foam tile things) and climbed up just in time, but they were breaking and people were falling and getting eaten alive. I remember seeing the horror on peoples faces as they fell. My god, what have I been watching? Nothing with zombies in them, that's for sure!

Then, I was transported to the ceiling of my work to on top of the shelves at a supermarket, with a clear view of the zombies surrounding the store. Then to my horror, the shelves started to fall down so I had to jump from shelf to shelf to prevent from falling. That's when I woke up in a cold sweat. Oh did I mention Captain Janeway (Star Trek Voyager) was also with me for a while before she got eaten.

So, I decided to go on the internet to calm me down. I went on a dream search and searched for zombies. This is what came up.

"To dream that you are attacked by zombies, indicate that you are feeling overwhelmed by forces beyond your control. You are under tremendous stress in your waking life. Alternatively, the dream represents your fears of being helpless and overpowered."


Huh. I don't feel I'm under "tremendous stress". So does that mean everytime I'm under I'm under a little stress I'm gonna get more dreams like this? That's just great! ¬¬


"The pursuer or attacker who is chasing you in your dream may also represent an aspect of yourself. "


So I'm dead on the inside? 


On a happier note I made cookies! And I didn't cock it up! Ok, all I had to do was mix butter with the pre made stuff and put it in the oven but hey, its a start! Maybe that's what gave me the nightmares, my cooking. It did have black icing. I wonder how my flatmates dreams will go.

General Update!

Since my last post, I have started at my new job. So far I'm really enjoying it, although I keep burning myself with the bloody coffee machine! And the place is soo clean! And to sign in and out of work I have to have my thumb scanned - how very James Bond! Getting to work was a bit of a hassle though. At first I had to take two buses, that was until I realised I could take one bus which goes by my house to the hotel which only takes 15 minutes, instead of the 1 hour something bus ride.

Also, on Sunday, I was dragged out by my flatmates as it was Hallowe'en. I didn't want to go out as I wanted to be refreshed and not ill for my first day off work... that did not happen. All it took to convince me to go out was three shots! And as for my costume, last minute and all, I went as a whiteboard with a pen necklace! Although some drunk bitch kept pulling on my necklace so i drew all over her! And some of the messages I got made me laugh. See for yourself!

 

The Hair Incident

So I know it's Hallowe'en tomorrow, but I remembered this episode and it made me laugh - big time! So I thought I'd share it. (Sorry for laughing at your expense Amy, but you'll admit it's funny now)

This little post takes place at my old house at Christmas time in the late 90s/early 00s. Like most children at Christmas, my siblings and I were so freaking excited that Santa had come and left us presents and we could finally open ALL the presents that had been taunting us for weeks. On this particular day, we were up by 4am and had to wait until our parents got up, which was usually between 8 and 9am. The wait was painful, but well worth it.

After ripping all the presents open in a hurricane force in record time, our Mam told us to go and play upstairs. It's funny how Christmas is the only day of the year where you don't want to give a child chocolate as they are already dangerously hyper.

 We dragged our toys and scurried upstairs. After showing off what each of us got, my sister, Amy, showed me a brush she got.  We both thought, since it was a special looking brush, it must do something special. It must curl the hair, we concluded. Taking her hair, I wrapped the brush around it. We had seen our Granny do something similar with her hair to curl it. We had the right technique, just the wrong equipment. That's when the trouble began. That's when we realised a fatal flaw.

 (Remember, we were young, around 10-ish, and incredibly dumb)

In a state of panic, I began to pull at the brush, hoping it would wriggle free. But it only made things worse. It got even more tangled up.  I knew I'd be in big trouble if I went to our parents, so I continued to pull. By this point Amy has crying because, well there was a brush stuck in her hair. Feeling defeated, we seeked out help from our parents.

When my parents saw what I'd done they were pretty anger, to say the least. When our Mam said they would have to cut the brush out, Amy's eyes widened with terror. That would've meant a haircut like a boy, and she had long hair. Luckily, it didn't come to that as our Dad managed to get the brush out. It was very touch and go for a while. To say everyone was relieved when he untangled the brush was an understatement. And luckily for me this happened on Christmas day and with everything happening, it was forgotten about pretty quickly.

So moral of the story is: Don't Leave Children Unattended!

Give Me A Dyson Any Day!

My luck with Hoovers haven't been the greatest. Not Hoovers with handles, but those small shitty things with the hose that you drag around. Take Henry The Hoover for instance. I hate it! My hate for those types of Hoovers began whilst at work, I was carrying the Hoover downstairs which had just been mopped. Of course, trying to be careful, I tripped over the hose bit and fell all the way down the stairs. The Hoover didn't get a scratch but as for me, I was a little sore and my ego had been bruised.

I don't get why these sort of Hoovers are praised, they are crap. You might as well sweep the dirt of a carpet than use these types of hoovers. Not only did I have to suffer at work, but at my home too. They're awkward to put away too, the hose flies around willy nilly and looks unsightly.

When I moved to Edinburgh, they didn't get any better. The first Henry like hoover we got, had duck tape wrapped around it to keep it from opening up. And it couldn't clean to save itself.

It's replacement was no better. At first, it did an "ok" job at hoovering. After 2 uses, then it showed its true colours. After using it for a mere 2 minutes now, a burning smell fills the room which becomes unbearable so you have to stop and open all the windows. Hoovering one room can take up to a day.

Guess what I get to do today.

Bringing Smileys Into Real Life

The other day, my friend Sarah (Velvet Cupcakes) and I were talking on MSN. Nothing in particular just random crap and sharing things we had found funny on the internet. We have this thing where we use little smiley faces after every word to make the conversation more entertain able. So if we were listening to music, we would write the lyrics like so...                                        

 
 Ok, you may not find it funny, but we did (because we're awesome and have a weird sense of humour)
Then we began to complain that conversations were in "real life" were boring because we couldn't use any smileys to express ourselves or to make awkward moments ones of entertainment. Yes we could use our expressions, but why would we want to when we could use smileys?
Here's another example of what I mean...

People could invent clothes which can detect what you're feeling and project it onto the front of your clothes. You could make codes like "sad face" and a smiley of sad face will appear on your top. I mean we can get clothes with lights on it so surely it can't be too difficult to do, right?

Thanks Sarah for the pic!

These Boots Were NOT Made For Walking! Part 2

Well the walk from hell as I will now call it was totally worth it! I got the job and I start on Monday! So excited about that. I hope I'm not rusty, it has been well over 2 months since I last poured a pint! I'm sure I'll be fine! Yay *Dances*

Super Mario World

Have you ever played a game where you matter what you do, you still suck at it? Well that's what I'm like with Super Mario World. Yesterday, my flatmate Sian suggested we give the game another go. Hoping it wouldn't be a repeat of the last times we've played it I agreed.

The Super Mario World game is on the Super Nintendo Entertainment System, or SNES and the game was originally released in 1990. It's weird to think this is what gaming in the early 90s was like. It should be in a gaming museum! 

Oh course, when picking who was who, Sian picked to be the hero Mario, the one loves and adores which left me stuck with Luigi, the one no-one really cares about but is forced to like cause it's Mario's brother.

So basically the way we play the game is Sian does all the hard work and gets passed all the levels while I do the same level over and over again and use up all the lives. Once in a blue moon I will complete a level which makes me feel all "haha I'm better than you" only to die at the next level. Or I'll get really far and as something bad is about to happen, and I mean 5 seconds before death, Sian will yelp out for my to watch out on something, which cause me to jump and Luigi to die.

Then it comes for Act 2 of how we play, Sian starts to get bad. Which prompts me to laugh, which she gets mad about (she's a very violent gamer). Then it becomes a competition on easy levels like who can get the most mushrooms. Then the final act is when I get soo angry at dying I give up and laugh at Sian's failures.

Quote Of The Day

Sian: "I'm just as pretty as a peach"
Me: "Yer and as sour as a lemon"

KHSDSVN45SC7

These Boots Were NOT Made For Walking!

On Sunday I had an interview at a hotel to be a bartender/waiter. Since I had no money I had to walk to my interview which was 2 hours away from my flat. Looking up the map on Google Maps, I decided it really wasn't that complicated to get there and it wouldn't take me 2 hours. I got dressed in my "interview" outfit and headed off.

Lucky for me it was a nice day so at least I didn't get rained on or anything. Nothing really exciting happened in the first hour of walking. All I had to do was follow the road in a straight line and I'd be at the end of the road where I'd have to take a left. Soon I came to a bit where the road split into two. Standing there for about 10 minutes, I wondered which way to go. I decided to continue the road as it seemed like a most sensible idea. 

Half an hour into my decision I realised I was lost. I mean really lost. I had been walking down a road which had fields as far as the eye could see. And sheep all around me. I was beginning to wonder if I had transported back into Shetland. The map I had on my phone wasn't very useful so I asked for directions. The two people I asked weren't very helpful. They pointed and told we to go here there and everywhere. Looking at my watch, I realised I only had half an hour to get to the hotel and I had no idea where I was going, so I gave up on the interview.

Walking back the way I came, I was quite angry at myself and pissed off. All that walking for nothing. Then I joked in my head that it was the other way I should've gone. When I got to the split of the road I looked at a sign which I hadn't noticed. Squinting my eyes, I realised that was the right way. Running across the road (nearly getting knocked down by a few cars) I rushed to get to the hotel on time.

It was me vs time. I looked at my watch again, I only had 20 minutes to get there and I was still a piece away. That's when my feet started to get sore. It wasn't that bad at first, I just started limp walking. But then it got extremely painful! I wanted to take baby steps, but I couldn't so I power up a hill to get to my interview.

After the interview (and getting to sit down for 45 mins) I felt walking home would be fine. How wrong was I! After the first few steps walking out of the hotel my feet were killing me! And I was ages away from home.  The walk home was a bit of a blur. But I do remember the pain! After an hour in, I tried to convince myself I was nearly home but nope, my brain knew I was miles away. After more endless walking and nearly thinking I was home, I spotted a BT station. I was confused, had I walked past a BT station? Then I realised that was MY BT station which was near my house! I nearly cried with joy! My feet felt like they were drowning in my own blood. By now I was taking baby steps although from an onlookers point of view they probably thought I had something up my ass.

When I got home, I took of those shoes and couldn't walk anymore. I crawled to bed, exhausted and beaten. The next day, it was still sore to walk. I walked 10 miles on Sunday, which is quite an achievement, but was the pain worth it? If I get the job, I'll tell you!

KHSDSVN45SC7 :O

My Bad Talent

I wonder if the man upstairs is in control of what talents you get - good and bad. Some people are blessed to have many great talents and only a few bad ones. I, on the other hand, haven't been as blessed. The worst of them all - cooking.

This morning for example, I decided to make porridge. Not from scratch but from a bag. All I had to do was pour 1 cup of porridge into a bowl and 2 cups of water and heat it up for 3 and a half minutes. Seems simple doesn't it? I thought so too. Putting the porridge into the cup then the bowl was easy enough but somehow instead of putting in 2 full cups of water into the bowl, I put 1 and a half. I figured if I had put 2 in then it would be too watery and disgusting therefore I wouldn't eat it. After the microwave informed me it was done, I opened the door. This is what I saw...

It looked like mushed brains that had been sitting out for a couple of years and it was pissed off. I decided to add some water to it but nothing really happened. So I added some sugar and forced it down my throat (I have no money to waste food). It was the worst thing I have ever tasted! I nearly gagged!

Another example of my bad horrendous cooking was the time I decided to make Korma Chicken for some friends. Everything was going well until I added the sauce to the pan. Remembering what my mother would do, I added water to the jar and poured that into the pan too. She only filled it a little bit and it worked. Now my sauce was all runny so I added cornflour to thicken it up. I accidently put too much in and had to add more water. I'm surprised my friends managed to eat some of it, but I think they just felt bad for me and they were pretty tipsy!


One more example was I nearly set the kitchen on fire cooking bacon...the pan wasn't so lucky.

 I really do wish I was better and I have tried to make an effort but cooking is just not for me. Cocktail making on the other hand...

Smoking - The Easy Way To Give up

After trying the patches, trying to go "cold turkey" I thought I would be condemned to smoking forever! However, due to certain events in my life I have managed to give it up, all thanks to the Job Centre!

How did I manage that you may wonder? Well, quitting smoking wasn't planned, it was forced. Heres a few steps on how to be smoke free

1) Leave your job voluntarily, move away with hardly any money

2) Apply to get Job Seekers Allowance. Once you have done this, you should get one payment which is made fortnightly. Basically all you will be able to afford is food - no luxuries! Saying that, I did buy 10 packs, just to keep me going.

3) Your next payment will be halved and you Job Seekers Allowance will be closed because you left you job voluntarily. You will need to apply for a hardship thing, which will take about a month.

So buy time you get money, You would have either starved to death (which may happen to me) or have lived of cigarettes. If you haven't had the luxury to afford them, then you would have been forced to go cold turkey for nearly 2 months without the temptation to buy (cause you have no money) and after a few weeks even the smell makes you gag!

Note: Experiences may differ :P

It's raining...

It's absolutely pouring with rain today! Typical the one day I have to go into the world and it rains. I had almost forgotten what rain was as it hardly ever rains here. Where I come from, it rains for more than half of the year and is usually accompanied with a forceful wind which blows the rain in your face and you end up standing in the middle of the pavement screaming bloody murder at the wind (I have done this many times, usually always during a bad mood)

Why does it have to rain today? I'll be out all day, I don't have a jacket suitable for the rain and I'll bet anything once I get home, all cold and wet, it will stop.

The Move

They all say that moving can be a stressful time. Trying to organise all your stuff and neatly pack them into boxes, make sure you haven't left anything and once that's all done, you can relax until that stressful move. Unfortunately, my move from the cold island of Shetland to the bright lights of Edinburgh wasn't so blissful.

My last week in Shetland began on the Monday. I had left my job the day before and I had a thousand things to do before I was on the boat on Thursday. On Monday was my little sisters birthday, so I had to go over and see her. On the Tuesday, my flatmate Sian told me the next day she would come and pick my stuff up, so I better have packed everything. I hadn't quite packed everything, in fact I had only packed a box. After hours of packing, my old room looked so bare, however there was still some of my stuff lying around which I wasn't taking.

On the day of my move, which was also pay day, I booked my ticket for the boat. Not having much sleep the night before (I only had a stupid thin blanket with holes in it) I was pretty tired. Then I got my phone bill and most of my money went to that. Saying goodbye to my friends, I took my two bags and suitcases and boarded onto the boat.

12 hours later...

The boat docked at Aberdeen. I struggled off the boat. Pushing the button on the lift, I noticed it was out of order. So I had to drag all my heavy luggage down a flight of stairs. My unlucky strike was only just beginning.

Once I was outside, I realised I had NO idea how to get to the bus terminal. I knew where it was, it was just how to get there. I also hadn't anticipated how far the walk and how heavy my luggage was. After eventually getting directions, I got there. I bought my ticket and found a "hole in the wall". Looking at my bank balance, I realised I only had £10 left...great.

Getting on the bus was a bit of a disaster. I was constantly worried that I would miss my stop, or get off somewhere where I wasn't meant to. It was a disaster.

Luckily for me my friend Sarah met me at the bus stop to help me get to the housing place to get the keys and help me with the luggage. Thank god for her help! Unfortunately, my flat and the housing place were at opposite sides of the city. Not only that, I was dying from the heat, it was freezing when I left Shetland and not being able to change, I had to keep my hoody on.

So after taking a lot of buses (and with a little help from Google Maps) we eventually got to my flat. I thought my unlucky strike was over. How very wrong was I! One of the locks was jammed and we had to wait outside my flat for over an hour waiting to get in. Although, we did have fun playing I spy

From that moment on I vowed never to move ever again (well, not so far anyway)

The One Where I End Up In Hospital

So I had an interesting night on Friday. As I recall telling to my friend, it was gonna be a night to remember...

So it all starts off as your typical Friday evening, getting the booze. As we were walking to Asdas, it was pouring down with rain, and the sky was an apocalypse orange, maybe it was a forewarning!

So, many glasses of wine and shots later, we go out. Nothing eventful happens, met a few people, got even more drunk, same old same.

So when we got home (Don't even remember getting the bus home) we all decide to have the rest of the wine. What a bad idea. My friend and I ended up play fighting, drinks were getting thrown over each other, it was a drunken fun. But what I should've remembered was this simply equation

Her + Glass + Booze = Something bad happening to me

And it did. As she went to through her wine over me, I put my arm up in defence and it smashed, cutting her thumb and my wrist. Great! I insisted that all I would need was a bandage and everything would be fine but no! They called for a taxi and I was taken against my will.

4 hours later...

We were eventually seen by a nurse. I needed an x-ray first to see if there was any glass in my arm as Sian's thumb was glued back together. Then I got stitches and I have to say, it was the weirdest sensation ever. And it looks gross! I think it may scar, but oh well! It's not only a reminder of our night out but a reminder of our friendship - ugly but deep

The Interview

Having just moved to the city, my flatmate and I decided instead of staying in and trying to connect to the internet we would celebrate our arrival to the city and get wasted. After having a couple of drinks, we went out and met up with some friends. It was Saturday and we both didn't have anything important to do the next day...

After nearly getting into a fight (her not me), having way too much to drink and stealing a jumper, we decided to go home. It was after 6.30am when we got home so god knows what time I went to bed.

All of a sudden, I hear my phone ringing. Sitting up and feeling the room spin, I looked at the unrecognised number and answered. It was from a shop I had applied to work in a couple of days back, and he was asking me to come in for an interview as soon as possible. Still slightly confused by what was going on, I agreed the half an hour interview. I looked at the clock and it was 2pm.

Then panic struck

The place was 20 minutes away on foot, and I didn't have any money for the bus! Jumping out of my bed like a superhero, I quickly got dressed. I have to say, I did look nice. Thinking I would stink of booze, I scrubbed my teeth and almost suffocated in deodorant. Then I realised I was still tipsy, but it didn't matter, I had to get to the shopping centre!

Upon my arrival at the shopping centre, I realised I hadn't actually heard which shop it was (I applied to a lot of shops) Luckily, I remembered him saying if I got lost, I was to call him.

So when I finally got there, he told me he wanted to get a chance to meet me in person and see if I was suitable for the job. It was a standing interview and I thought I answered his questions really well, I was quite pleased with myself.

Then tragedy struck

As he was written down where the shop was, I began to get a cold sweat. Trying to concentrate on what he was saying, I slyly leaned against the counter. Then little black spots began to appear. Then more, and more. Before I knew it, I couldn't see or hear him anymore. All I could think was "Don't faint in the shopping centre!" over and over again. Then I started to get a lump in my throat, so my next line of thought was "DON'T BE SICK!"

Fortunately for me (I think) the man saw I was in state of collapse and rushed to get me water. That managed to calm me down a little. He then asked me if I took any drugs, which I said no, which is true. Although, from his point of view, I could see why he would think that. Someone stinking of booze and almost collapsing in his store.

He did say he admired my commitment to get here and gave me a trail! Unfortunately, it was an unpaid trial at a Scottish tourist shop run by chavs... I lasted a day.

After thanking him for the opportunity, I knew I needed to be sick (the sign of success) and ran to find the toilets. When I eventually did, I phoned my flatmate, dragged her out of bed to come and fetch me. By time she walked over, I was fine and didn't need any help

Moral of the story! Always arrange another interview date if you were out the night before! You only have one chance to make a good first impression!

Me Vs The Pumpkin

So a couple of days ago my flatmate asked me to help her with the cooking. If you haven't tasted my cooking you should consider yourself lucky. I'm soo bad, I've set bacon on fire. Anyhoo, she asked me to help her with the peeling, so not something so important. The potatoes and sweet potato were done surprising easily. Then, came the pumpkin

Round 1
Having never craved a pumpkin before, I didn't really know what to expect. I was under the impression that it would be as easy as the potatoes. How very wrong I was.
The peeler slipped off the skin of the pumpkin and slapped my arm on the ground. Not putting off by this I tried again, and failed.

Getting slightly more annoyed now, I tried to be more forceful. Ha! I was beginning to work, or so I thought. As I was peeling a tiny bit of its skin, the peeler slipped and cut me. Round 1 to the pumpkin.

Round 2
After a brief time out and bandaging the cut, I went in for the second round. This time, I would be tactful, cunning even. I stood, watching the pumpkin, thinking how
I would peel the pumpkin quickly. Holding on to one end of the pumpkin, I began stabbing the peeler into the skin and soon enough, off it would come.

Round 3
After getting pretty tired from doing a quarter of the skin (yes I'm that weak, a kitten could beat me up) I decided to re-think my strategy. Then, like a lightbulb going off above me head, I had it. Stabbing the pumpkin in the middle and using it as a handle, I could use the other one to peel quickly! And it worked!

Heres a pic of after the whole ordeal, I certainly got job satisfaction whilst cleaning that up

Oops, I did it again

Yet again I've done it. ¬¬

It's been the 3rd time in a month... I've cocked up my sleeping pattern. It may not seem so tragic, but to me, it is! If I fall asleep now, chances are I will sleep in until 4pm then be up until 9am before I go to bed and this pattern will repeat until I'm so tired I'm emotional. I could set an alarm, however, when that goes off, only one eye opens it to search for the alarm only to switch it off to fall back asleep.

So, my only choice is to stay up until 9pm tonight at the latest so I can get back into my pattern. Unfortunately for my flat mates, I will be tired, cranky and quite emotional. I was so tired once I nearly cried because there was no water in the kettle for me coffee. But that sadness turned into a whirlwind of rage. They evacuated the flat for a couple of hours after that

I think I may feed my fishes now(virtual ones of course!)

Cleaning: The lazy sods guide to getting out of it.

If you are anything like some of the flatmates I have had past and present you will no doubt have learnt the art of not cleaning. Yes maybe you have had the sudden motivation to clean only because someone important like a parent or a "buddy" is coming over and you don't want to show you live like a slob.

But for the most part, cleaning is almost a sinful activity for you. You'd rather be doing something worth-while with your time like, lying on the bed counting sheep.
However, when it comes to being forced to clean, there are 3 ways to get out of doing it forever!

1) You find someone to live with who's a clean freak, basically a Monica. Everything has to be clean 24/7. The Monica's have a certain way of cleaning, if its not done in their way its not done properly.

2) When being asked to clean something minor, i.e. a cup, you make a big fuss about it and come up with an excuse, "Oh I have an essay which needs to be handed in in the next 10 minutes and I haven't started yet" and do the "sudden realisation panic attack" look. However there is a time when this fails

3) You do a terrible job of cleaning. And I mean really terrible, pathetic even. This really irritates the Monica's a lot! Pretend you're a robot and you're running low on battery and the only function you can do properly is breathe and doing anything else is a massive compromise. If done correctly, you will only have to repeat this stage on average 3 times and will never be asked again.

Note of Caution
- Please note the Monica, whether it be your friend or parent may go into a fit of rage but usually finding a way into their soft spot will prevent that.

- Whatever you do, DO NOT use the phrase "it's not my mess why should I clean it" or anything similar. This will enrage a Monica and you will regret it! Unless you want to hear a massive long rant, I'd advise against it.