My Bad Talent

I wonder if the man upstairs is in control of what talents you get - good and bad. Some people are blessed to have many great talents and only a few bad ones. I, on the other hand, haven't been as blessed. The worst of them all - cooking.

This morning for example, I decided to make porridge. Not from scratch but from a bag. All I had to do was pour 1 cup of porridge into a bowl and 2 cups of water and heat it up for 3 and a half minutes. Seems simple doesn't it? I thought so too. Putting the porridge into the cup then the bowl was easy enough but somehow instead of putting in 2 full cups of water into the bowl, I put 1 and a half. I figured if I had put 2 in then it would be too watery and disgusting therefore I wouldn't eat it. After the microwave informed me it was done, I opened the door. This is what I saw...

It looked like mushed brains that had been sitting out for a couple of years and it was pissed off. I decided to add some water to it but nothing really happened. So I added some sugar and forced it down my throat (I have no money to waste food). It was the worst thing I have ever tasted! I nearly gagged!

Another example of my bad horrendous cooking was the time I decided to make Korma Chicken for some friends. Everything was going well until I added the sauce to the pan. Remembering what my mother would do, I added water to the jar and poured that into the pan too. She only filled it a little bit and it worked. Now my sauce was all runny so I added cornflour to thicken it up. I accidently put too much in and had to add more water. I'm surprised my friends managed to eat some of it, but I think they just felt bad for me and they were pretty tipsy!


One more example was I nearly set the kitchen on fire cooking bacon...the pan wasn't so lucky.

 I really do wish I was better and I have tried to make an effort but cooking is just not for me. Cocktail making on the other hand...