I Wish...

Sometimes I wish people were different.

All my life I've had to defend myself because I am gay. I've had grow a second skin and try to ignore petty comments from small minded people. After a while, words they use to try to upset me didn't work because I had heard it all. I even got to the point where I was making whitty comments back.

But there comes a time when sometimes it can get overwhelming. Days when I'm not feeling great about myself and simply don't have the energy to fight back. To defend myself. Like today for example at work. I've been having a rough few months so the last thing I needed was for people to make fun of me ad saw hurtful things. It really got to me. I was quite upset.

Then I was angry. Why should I have to constantly defend myself to small minded idiots who probably can't even tell the time. Just because I sleep with the same sex doesn't make me a monster. Why can everyone else kiss their partner in public but when I (or any other gay couple) do the same, its met with raised eyebrows and whispers.

I just wish people were more accepting.

Dubstep Cat

This has to be the funniest thing I have seen in a long time! I have never laughed so hard.

Definitely want a cat like this!

Swimming Home

In just under 3 weeks time, I will be saying goodbye to Edinburgh and hello (again) to Shetland. And no, I won't be swimming home, unless the boat sinks which it probably will since I'll have all my stuff on it!

After living in Edinburgh for close to 2 years it's going to be strange and somewhat difficult for me to get used to living in Shetland again. Everything I've got used to here will be gone. The constant sounds of the sirens and cars and the bright lights surrounding Edinburgh will be replaced with silence and somewhat dimmer lights. Despite all of that, I'm happy to go back home.

From this...

My decision to move back to Shetland was a quick one. Something I didn't see coming. But I feel it's the right one. After having a month from hell with things slowly going tits up in my social, work and home life I decided maybe I needed a break from everything and go back to familiar surroundings and have a chance to reboot and start my life from scratch. Granted it seems a little bit dramatic just dropping everything last minute and packing off back home. But living in Edinburgh slowly began to feel less fun and more hard work. It was exhausting. Even though I had tonnes of friends living here who I spoke to almost daily, I felt lonely. 

...back to this.

Having no family in a place as big as Edinburgh can be a little lonely. Yes we have skype and can text, email, facebook, call each other, but it wasn't the same as actually being in the same room as them. Also the thought of spending a 3rd Christmas down here alone didn't exactly spread joy.

As the day I move gets closer, I'm getting more and more excited to go. But the prospect of packing everything and taking it back is a little daunting. Even thinking about it is hard work!

But I know, when the day comes that its my last shift at the hotel, and the last time I see my friends for a while (I will be back) there will be tears. Mostly from me. What can I say, I'm happy not to see them again (haha joking!)

Back From The Dead

A talent I once thought I had lost is finally sneaking back into my life, I now have a hobby that I actually do, and that talent is art.

During my school days, art was my life. I was always drawing, painting, colouring almost every day. When I got to high school, it became more of a pain having to do all this art work and I slowly lost my passion for it. I think it was because I was being forced to do all of this art work and in the end, I began to resent it. 

So once school and exams were over (and after getting an A on my art work!) I completely lost the will to draw, it didn't interest me anymore. Fast forward a few years and after discovering alcohol, moving from home and having to pay bills and working constantly or going out with friends, I never got around to drawing anything. 

When I did try to sit down to draw, it looked awful. I could see perfectly in my head what I wanted to draw, but getting it from my head to paper was challenging. After a few more attempts, I said to myself that the talent I once had was long dead and so I gave up completely.

Then, last year in preparation for a friend's birthday, a Nintendo themed party, we drew, painted and coloured tonnes of things, including my pixel Yoshi. But of course, it was all rushed and I felt like I was back at school and stopped. 

A few days ago, while sitting in my room bored, I decided to give draw something. After I had finished that drawing, I started another and then another and I was actually enjoying it more and more. I think it was because I wasn't being forced to draw in a specific time frame, I was doing it for fun. 

This year my plan is to start getting as good as I was and try experimenting with different paints, oils and try painting on a canvas for the first time. But in the mean time, all I have is a pencil & a pad, something I'm quite comfortable using.

Here's a drawing I managed to do in just over an hour. Hope you like it! Inspired from Evanescence's album cover "Anywhere But Home".

The Nightmare

Nightmares. The last nighmare that truly scared me to the core was when I was 11 and yellow zombie like vampires attacked the world. Since then, it's only been bad dreams. This morning, I had a nightmare. Now I know what you're thinking, how could it be called a nightmare if you had it during the day. The definition of a nightmare is

1. terrifying dream in which the dreamer experiences feelings of helplessness, extreme anxiety, sorrow, etc.
2. (formerly) a monster or evil spirit believed to oppress persons during sleep.

Unfortunately my dream involved both.

I don't remember my dream leading up to it, but I noticed everything went dark, like when you're looking in the direction of the sun with you're eyes closed and it goes behind a cloud. In my dream I was lying in my bed looking around in a darkened room when standing at my doorway was a figure. I immediately got a feeling of danger and chills ran down my spine. I tried to get up to run away but I couldn't move. I knew I had the power to move as I was aware of what was happening in the waking world but I couldn't.

By this time, this figure was slowly waking to my bed. It seemed to take an eternity and it moved so creepily. I tried to scream for help but all I felt was a soft whimper come out. Not enough to grab the attention of my friend who was sleeping peacefully next to me.

The figure, with black smoke like things around it and glowing deep eyes was standing right next to me. Slowly it moved on top of me and sat there, staring at me. I felt a huge weight on top of me and tried violently to move a part of my body or scream, but it was all in vain. Then slowly it's arms lifted and was moving towards my neck. I felt it chocking me, applying pressure to my throat. Then I woke up.

I've never awoken with such force in my life. And by force I mean it felt like I ripped my eyelids off once I could open them. It was the most scariest dream I have ever had. I thought I was awake during the dream, it wasn't until I woke up that I realised it was in fact just a dream.

After doing a bit of research I learned the dream or event I had just experienced was referred to as the 'Old Hag Syndrome'. What I wish I hadn't read was sometimes this hag comes back several times. Fan-bloody-tastic.

When I told my friend about my dream, I only told her I was paralysed and scared. Since she's staying with me I didn't want to freak her out... Hopefully she won't read this!

Goodbye 2011

2011 has been a year of discovery for me. It's also been a year which has challenged me and made me re-evaluate my life. I'm glad 2011 is over and I'm excited for the next chapter! I've struggled with personal demons, found out who was truely there for me and who wasn't and learned that asking for help now and then isn't a sign of weakness, and no matter how hard it is to ask for it, I know I have people there for me.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me during my issues in 2011, it meant the world to me! I am so grateful for your support! Let's make 2012 the best year ever! (And if the world doesn't end this year, lets continue to make the years after it even better!

x

The Dream

First of all, sorry about the length of time I haven't posted anything! My laptop died as you may or not know :(
A few weeks ago, after a long hectic day at work, I found out via facebook (as you do) that my sister's kitten had been run over and had to be rushed to the vets that night. Of course, I felt bad for my sister (Amy) and her boyfriend and hoped the kitten, called Rainbow, would pull through.

That night, I went to sleep and had the most surreal dream I have ever experienced in my life. In this dream, my sister Amy and I went to my Granny's house for a wee visit. When we entered into her sitting room, with her kittens Rainbow and her sister Tiger, there was my Grandad sitting in his chair sipping a cup of tea. Now, my Grandad had been dead for 11 years and I felt myself telling me "but this can't be real, you've been dead!" however my mind stared to succum to my dream when he started asking us how we were.

 Amy started telling him about her boyfriend and I told him how I had moved down to Edinburgh and about my new job. My Granny, who's still alive, told me how well my Grandad had been doing lately. I felt a sudden happiness and then I was somehow transported into my Granny's bedroom where Amy was saying a tearful goodbye to Rainbow, saying how much she would miss her. At the time, I didn't understand why I, or for that fact Amy was so upset.

Then, Rainbow walked to my Grandad and he scooped her up and said he had to go. We said goodbye, feeling tearful and as he opened the door, a bright light appeared and I woke up to my alarm ringing.

When I awoke, feeling confused about what I had dreamed, I can swear I could smell the scent of his car and taste the sweeties me and him shared when I was a child.

Then I found out Amy's kitten had died.

 Usually when people awake, they lose up to 90% of their dream in the first 10 minutes of being awake. However, this dream felt so real and had been replaying in my mind for weeks after.

Has anything like this ever happened to you? Let me know.

P.S. Thanks to my friend Fiona for letting me "steal" her laptop as she slept so I could blog! And speical thanks to Sammy for getting Fiona soo drunk beforehand - I love you guys :)

October Favourites

Album

Evanescence

Favourite Track: Sick

Least Favourite:

YouTube Video

TV Show

Modern Family

The Breakdown

Two weeks ago, something utterly tragic happened to me. My laptop met its demise. It met its maker. Unfortunately for it, that maker was me.

It all happened a quiet Tuesday afternoon.  Something truly remarkable had happened, I had been inspired to be creative and draw something, anything. so I turned to my laptop in a bid to find some inspiration. My laptop on the other hand, had a completely different approach to my sudden inspiration and decided to rain on my parade.

You see, in the past few months, the health of my laptop had been deteriorating significantly and I knew it was only a matter of time before it burned out. The keyboard on my laptop was starting to stick and the letters broke off. Every time I switched the laptop on, I was greeted by a loud, high pitched noise which meant I had to rapidly switch the on button before it would start up.

Once it had loaded up, it would freeze during the AVG scan and the browser took forever to load anything, so in the last few weeks of it's life I purely used it to play DVDs.

So on this fateful day, I went to 'surf the web', but the laptop was having none of it. The music I had been playing began to jump and the screen had frozen. After waiting for a few minutes, I switched it off using the on button and restarted it.

Then came the usual process of noise, then start-up screen but before the password, the screen turned blue and  the laptop died. So I restarted it again and the same thing happened to it. By this point, my patience was running very thin, and bearing my teeth I restarted it one last time.

Now, having grown up in a home that taught me not to talk with my mouth full and, if I didn't have anything nice to say then not to say anything at all, I always went by another rule which was, if it's not working, give it a smack.

So I did that. But when the noise wouldn't stop and my anger at boiling point, I lifted the laptop and in a state of pure fury, began pounding it off of the table. Well, it's safe to say after that, it never switched on again. 

So RIP laptop, I will miss you pissing me off daily!

September Favourites

So last night I decided to do monthly posts on things I'm liking at the moment. Hopefully I'll be inspired soon and start blogging again. Until then,here's my favourites of September.

Album

All Things Bright and Beautiful

Owl City

Favourite Track: Kamikaze

Least Favourite: Alligator Sky

YouTube Video

Admit it, you laughed a little!

TV Show

Ringer

Seriously loving this show, SMG is just amazing!

Maynard says what?

So while waiting for a bus one cold and windy day in Edinburgh, I got the biggest scare of my life. Even bigger than when I was nearly mugged. What scared me you ask. The "Maynard says chew" poster.

Now, like every other person, sweets are my weak spot, but having a moose which looks like he's had waaay to many lines and has fallen head first into Wonderland just freaks me out.

Its the eyes that freak me out the most. Not so much during daylight, but when its dark its just creepy. Picture this. Your standing alone in a bus shelter, it's quite and dark and at the corner of your eye you see a crazed looking beast telling you to chew.

Oh, heres a link I found, click on it, I dare you! If the pic above didn't creep you out, this will!

http://www.maynardsayschew.com/

One Year On

It is official. I have lived in Edinburgh for a full year! I think some people had doubts when I told them over a year ago I would be leaving Shetland to live here and probably assumed I wouldn't last! Well, I proved them wrong!

Ironically, ever since I moved to Edinburgh, I see my family more than when I lived on the same island as them! I'm glad I've managed to last a year, as I too had my doubts, only because when I moved down I had very little money (still do) and didn't have a job and didn't know anyone apart from 4 people. But fast forward a year and I'm so happy I stuck with this place. 

Shetland has become the place where my family live. Edinburgh has become my home.

:)

To read how I get here, click here

NFH Part 2

You may or may not remember my post about the people who live in the flat below me. So to catch up, I have extremely noisy neighbours, well at least I did.

So about a month ago, they were having their 4th party in a week and there was me, alone in my flat, trying to have a peaceful night with a glass of wine and a DVD. To try and make a point, I turned the TV up really loudly, hoping they would take a hint but, in all my wisdom, it backfired on me and they turned their crappy music up louder. Trying not to feel defeated, I concentrated on my movie. I could feel my rage slowly cooking and starting to rise to the surface.

Then when they turned it up louder...

It was time for some drastic action. I started to plot on what I could do to make them shut up. Call the police? By time they got here, they would have fallen alseep. Gone down there and kick ass? Probably would get my ass kicked.

Then I got it. I would write a letter.

I have to say, I felt pretty awesome posting this bad boy through their letterbox.

1 month later...

They're now really quiet! Not that I'm complaining, it has been the best, quietest month (for them) ever! Yay for me and my awesome letter writing skills :)

Yay

Something truly amazing happened - I managed to bake something which didn't end in disaster! I know, finally! I even used ingredients and had to mix it in a bowl! I think I'm growing! :)

Here's a pic of what I made, it looked better in real life

The Soundtrack of My Life

I know, this is such and old quiz but hey, it's late and I'm bored!

I also added some Youtube links to my answers (apart from one)

If your life had a soundtrack, what would the music be?
1. Open your library (iTunes, winamp, media player, Zen, iPod)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the name of whatever song comes up
5. Press the next button to get the answer to the next question

Soundtrack of My Life (according to my SanDisk Sansa)

Opening Credits:
Lovegame (The Tour Version) - Lady Gaga

Waking Up:
Listen To The Rain - Evanescence

First Day of School:
Breathe On Me/Touch of My Hand (TCS:BS Version) - Britney Spears
(A bit too sexual for a first day of school don't you think!)

Falling In Love:
Umbrella Beach - Owl City

Breaking Up:
Don't Bring Flowers - Erik Hassle

Prom:
Amelia - Erik Hassle
(Couldn't find a good video)

Party Song:
For Your Entertainment (Brad Walsh Remix) - Adam Lambert

Life's Okay:
What You Waiting For? - Gwen Stefani

Mental Breakdown:
She's My Man - Scissor Sisters

Driving:
The Fad - Chevelle

Flashback:
I'm Sorry - Flyleaf

Finding True Love:
Brompton Cocktail - Avenged Sevenfold
(How romantic...)

Wedding:
Smile - Avril Lavigne

Birth of Child:
Disc Wars - Daft Punk (Tron Legacy Soundtrack)

Final Battle:
Teenage Dream - Katy Perry

Death Scene:
Radar - Britney Spears

Funeral Song:
Lost In You - Three Days Grace

Nice One(?):
The Catalyst - Linkin Park

End Credits:
Honey And The Bee - Owl City
(Aww)

I have a variety taste of music it seems...

Kingdom Hearts II

So, for the past week and a half I have non stop been playing KH2. It got really addictive. I found myself coming home from work at 2am and switching on old faithful (my 11 year old PS2) and playing that game until I realized I would only get 5 hour sleep if I didn't go to bed.

I had gotten so far before I needed my flatmate Keith to interfere. I had got up to the level where I had to defeat this pain in the ass guy who kept saying "dance water dance!" over and over again. Well, he kicked my ass royally and after hearing him repeat the same thing and getting beaten countless times, I called in the big guns. Keith told me the reason why I was getting my ass kicked was because I hadn't been using any of the HP boost things or adding any abilities to my character and gave me trouble for not paying attention. Well, I'm sorry, but when I'm playing a game, I want to play the game, not stare at a TV reading!

DANCE WATER, DANCE!

The rest of the game became more like a battle for me. A battle to complete the game quickly so I could A) Get some sleep, B) catch up on my housework and C) to be able to brag to my brother that I completed a game in just over a week.

Soon enough, it came to the last level. I felt quite proud of myself. I had never gotten to the end of a game without using cheats or a guide or in the space of nearly 2 weeks. Unfortunately, I wish I had seen a guide because I was unaware that once you started that level, you wouldn't be able to save and would have to endure in 4 battles. The hardest one was the 2nd battle (I think, it was all a blur).

It was soo annoying. I kept on dying. And when I thought I had nearly won, something new would happen and I would die. At one point, the guy was one hit away from dying and before I could give him the deathly blow, he killed me. My reaction was pretty much like this.

After screaming and swearing like a possessed demon, I remembered Keith was sleeping in the next room and it was 3am. So I had to contain my rage and rapidly press buttons like a mofo.

And then I won. And after 2 more easy(ish) battles, I had completed the game

But what to play now?

Another Cooking Disaster!

On Sunday, after returning home from a wonderful night out, I thought it would be a good idea to have a cheese toastie as I was feeling slightly peckish. If the toaster had worked, this post would've ended with me saying it was the best cheesy toastie I had ever made. But as usual, things never turn out right for me and God must have seen an opportunity.

So I decided in my drunken state, to grill it. So I took the tinned tray at of the oven and did the whole pre-heating sequence with no dramas so I was feeling pretty confident. Now, as it was cooking, I must have been playing with my phone and it must have died because the next thing I know, I'm waken up on the floor next to my charger.

Realizing I feel asleep, I stumbled into the kitchen. No smoke or anything but I could smell burning. Well, I know I'm not at all blessed with cooking, but I really out did myself this time.

It was burned, and as you can tell by the picture above, not a little bit burned. It was so burned that if I got a knife to scrape off the burned bits the thing would turn into ash...

The irony is I set the cooker on low so the toastie wouldn't burn.

Also, as of yesterday, I have been officially banned from using the oven, and trying to make anything that would use the oven unless I'm being supervised. So in the meantime, I'm to use the microwave (I'm surprised I haven't blown the thing up... yet!)

Me Vs NFH (Neighbours From Hell) Part 1

We all have those neighbours. The ones who are always loud and obnoxious. There was a time when I was that neighbour. But hey, I was only 18 and was entitled to a party (or few) at the weekend. However, after having a place of my own died down, I didn't have as much parties. Maybe my old neighbours casted a curse on me, sort of like a karma curse because my new neighbours are worse than I ever was!

 For one thing, they're in their mid thirties! But they act like a bunch of sixteen year olds, falling out of their flat drunk, peeing in their garden, cackling like witches in a cavern. Playing the same music again and again, singing (or trying to) at the top of their lungs.

Two months ago, my flatmates and I finally realised we had NFH. We thought all the previous loud music drunken parties, the screaming in the garden, the setting of fireworks in the middle of the night was the worst of it!

Apparently it wasn't.

According to my flatmates, the loud music started around 7pm on a Friday night. It was their typical party so they thought nothing more of it. At 11am the next day, I returned home to find they were still partying, and I could hear the music from down the street!

Inside our flat, we could hear them shouting, every lyric from the songs which seemed to be on repeat and our light was swaying from the vibrations. We could hardly hear the TV and had to shout at each other when trying to speak. Even our upstairs neighbours kept banging on the floor thinking it was us making all the noise.

 We called the noise complaint people twice during the day and they came and told them to turn the music down twice (by this time it was 5pm). At 11pm, after showing no signs of giving up, we called the noise complaint people again who informed them if there was anymore complaints the police would be involved.

We may have won that battle... but the war is still up for grabs

Read part 2 here

The Pros & Cons Of Living Alone

Pros:
1. The flat is always clean
2. I can watch whatever I want
3. I can make as much noise as I want without worrying about waking anyone up
       (this rule also applies to my noisy neighbours downstairs)
4. I can walk around naked (not that I have, but its nice to have the option to)
5. You always win at games like Scrabble

Cons:
1. The flat is always clean, thus when I'm bored I have nothing to do
2. There's no-one to kill spiders, wasps, etc for me
3. Champagne Thursdays are on a hiatus (its not fun drinking alone)
4. There's no-one to annoy
5. I'd rather be at work than at home, alone and bored
6. Playing Scrabble by yourself is not fun
7. The novelty of living alone wears off pretty quickly

The Spider Anxiety

Last night I was having a peaceful evening, watching Friends whilst drinking some wine celebrating (if you can call it celebrating) my 22nd birthday, when all of a sudden I saw something move very quickly along the floor. It was the biggest, fastest spider I had ever seen and there was no-one here to kill it for me! I jumped up on the sofa and began to stare at the unit, waiting for it to scurry out so I could squish the little bugger.

After about half an hour of constantly watching the floor. then the TV and then the floor again, I decided, hey, it wasn't really that big so I would just leave it and tried to relaxed with a magazine. The spider obviously decided it hadn't freaked me out enough. Just as I was beginning to forget about it, it darted along the floor, with caused me to jump out of my chair and let out a scream. Yes, I'm a big pansy when it comes with spiders. My neighbours probably thought I was getting murdered.

Rushing to the kitchen to get a glass to capture the bastard, I slowly paced myself to catch it. But just before the glass was over it, it darted towards me, which prompted me to jump onto the coffee table. It was very matrix style haha.

After much minutes of breaking into a cold sweat and screaming and running away from the spider I eventually caught it. My victory reward, a shot of vodka!

And here it is next to a 2 pence coin!

Oh and I decided not to kill the spider! I did decide to throw the spider out of my window and onto my neighbours who were being loud and drunk... again! To hear them scream! Revenge is oh so sweet >:)