Another Cooking Disaster!

On Sunday, after returning home from a wonderful night out, I thought it would be a good idea to have a cheese toastie as I was feeling slightly peckish. If the toaster had worked, this post would've ended with me saying it was the best cheesy toastie I had ever made. But as usual, things never turn out right for me and God must have seen an opportunity.

So I decided in my drunken state, to grill it. So I took the tinned tray at of the oven and did the whole pre-heating sequence with no dramas so I was feeling pretty confident. Now, as it was cooking, I must have been playing with my phone and it must have died because the next thing I know, I'm waken up on the floor next to my charger.

Realizing I feel asleep, I stumbled into the kitchen. No smoke or anything but I could smell burning. Well, I know I'm not at all blessed with cooking, but I really out did myself this time.

It was burned, and as you can tell by the picture above, not a little bit burned. It was so burned that if I got a knife to scrape off the burned bits the thing would turn into ash...

The irony is I set the cooker on low so the toastie wouldn't burn.

Also, as of yesterday, I have been officially banned from using the oven, and trying to make anything that would use the oven unless I'm being supervised. So in the meantime, I'm to use the microwave (I'm surprised I haven't blown the thing up... yet!)

The Cooking Calamity

As you may know by now from previous posts, when it comes to cooking I'm no Gordan Ramsey. However, as of late, I hadn't had any cooking disasters and was finally beginning to feel confident about cooking. I even managed to learn how to use the oven properly (its only taken me 10 months!)

Two days ago, after an exhausting shift at work and a long walk home, I decided it would be nice to make myself a nice warm meal. Nothing complicated, just oven chips and fish. So, I switched the oven on and began the pre-heating sequence. I thought while it was heating up, I would watch some TV on the internet (watching Pokemon from the beginning :) )

After about half an hour I went through into the kitchen to put the food in the oven. As soon as I walked into the room, I instantly knew I had cocked up royally as the room was all smokey. I rushed over to the oven and opened the door and thats when the whole of the smoke came raging out. Turns out, I had left a tray with tin foil in it in the oven and it started to burn. I wasn't really that panicked at first because this had happened to me before, but when the smoke started to burn the back of my throat, alarm bells started ringing.

Oops...

I quickly rushed over to the window to try and open it, but because there was empty bottles in front of the window and the window being behind the sink and a shelf, it was quite difficult. And that's when the fire alarms went off. Now I was beginning to panic. Frantically, I started dumping the bottles into the sink and threw myself over the sink to open the window, which I eventually did. Now choking, I realized I probably should have switched the oven off first but at the time I thought taken the tray out would have been enough.

I began praying that the smoke would go our of the window and the fire alarms would go off. Then I thought to myself;

What if the fire engines come?
What if my building has to be evacuated?
What am I going to say to them?
Why did I have to cook when I know I'm crap at it?

As I was thinking all of that I was running around the house with a dish towel and batting it against the fire alarm. I don't know why, but I remember my granny used to do it and it worked for her.

Luckily, at 2.15am, my 10 minutes of pure terror was over, the alarms had gone off.

20 minutes later, I decided it would be ok to cook my food.

I still managed to burn it ¬¬

My Bad Talent

I wonder if the man upstairs is in control of what talents you get - good and bad. Some people are blessed to have many great talents and only a few bad ones. I, on the other hand, haven't been as blessed. The worst of them all - cooking.

This morning for example, I decided to make porridge. Not from scratch but from a bag. All I had to do was pour 1 cup of porridge into a bowl and 2 cups of water and heat it up for 3 and a half minutes. Seems simple doesn't it? I thought so too. Putting the porridge into the cup then the bowl was easy enough but somehow instead of putting in 2 full cups of water into the bowl, I put 1 and a half. I figured if I had put 2 in then it would be too watery and disgusting therefore I wouldn't eat it. After the microwave informed me it was done, I opened the door. This is what I saw...

It looked like mushed brains that had been sitting out for a couple of years and it was pissed off. I decided to add some water to it but nothing really happened. So I added some sugar and forced it down my throat (I have no money to waste food). It was the worst thing I have ever tasted! I nearly gagged!

Another example of my bad horrendous cooking was the time I decided to make Korma Chicken for some friends. Everything was going well until I added the sauce to the pan. Remembering what my mother would do, I added water to the jar and poured that into the pan too. She only filled it a little bit and it worked. Now my sauce was all runny so I added cornflour to thicken it up. I accidently put too much in and had to add more water. I'm surprised my friends managed to eat some of it, but I think they just felt bad for me and they were pretty tipsy!


One more example was I nearly set the kitchen on fire cooking bacon...the pan wasn't so lucky.

 I really do wish I was better and I have tried to make an effort but cooking is just not for me. Cocktail making on the other hand...